I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
