Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i came on her dog
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
