i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need moral support for this bender
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
