We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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