To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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