69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
