he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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