she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone shattered a urinal.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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