apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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