Too much gin, very little bucket
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
