I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize