Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
