Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
