I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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