Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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