There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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