i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
