We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
