Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
