this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
