I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
