i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
