Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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