my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize