Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
