I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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