Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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