we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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