so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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