I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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