so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
