I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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