Operation Purity has been aborted
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
