I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
