i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
