I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
