she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize