I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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