I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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