My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
