Are we in a gay sports bar?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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