Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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