windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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