Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
