can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
