Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize