He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
