i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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