thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this will be a night to untag.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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