Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
