Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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