My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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