I cockslap morals
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
