Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
