I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
