I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
