it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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