So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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