I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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