i think my tv is drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
