how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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