any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
