her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
