So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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