Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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