Whod you bang
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
