East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
