What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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