hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
