Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
