So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
