I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
