im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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