Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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