I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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