the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We got so high we made milksteak
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
