Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
