I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
