i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
