The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize