We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
