I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
