Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize