Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
