Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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