dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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