I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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