woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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