She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
