Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
