yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
