Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
