The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You made me cry and you don't even care
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
True strength comes from lack of pants
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
