Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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