Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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