it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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