and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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