We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
