Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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