He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
