I have demons in me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
