Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
