Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
