I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
