Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
