Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
