i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
