I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
