got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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