Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Two words: nipple clamps
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